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Dying To Talk

This week is Dying Matters Awareness Week.  I know for some people it can be a difficult subject to think about, never mind discuss, but from experience I know that the earlier you start talking about it the easier it can be to have those conversations.

I have dealt with families where the parents tell me that their children won’t have the conversation about what should happen when they die.  I’ve had children call me after the death of a parent asking for any information we might have about funeral wishes as their parent wouldn’t, or couldn’t, talk to them about it during their lifetime.  

Not talking about death sadly doesn’t mean that it won’t happen.  Leaving that conversation for another day, or until you have received a terminal diagnosis, can mean that you miss an important opportunity to plan ahead.  Choosing the right moment is important and asking questions can be easier than just baldly saying this is what I want to happen.  You could perhaps acknowledge that it’s a difficult conversation but one that you feel you ought to have.

Considering all of the aspects around your death whilst you are still fit and healthy can take some of the emotion out of the situation for everyone involved.

It can be useful to talk to family, or even your GP, about the kind of care that you would like to receive if you were to become dependent or seriously ill.  If you needed assistance with day-to-day chores would you want carers to come to your home, or would you want to move to a care home where you would have 24 hour assistance?  Would you want to be cared for at home during your last days, or would you rather move to a hospice?

You can think about what sort of treatments you would and, perhaps more importantly wouldn’t, want to receive if you were terminally ill. Appointing an attorney under a Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare means that if you aren’t able to pass those instructions to your GP or hospital staff at the time you have someone that can do it for you.

With more of us having a digital presence via social media, or storing photographs and documents in the cloud, it’s wise to have a plan about how these are to be managed after your death so that access isn’t lost to the account, or precious memories.

Thinking ahead also gives you time to make a considered Will rather than having to make snap judgements at a time when you have so much more to think about, or even missing out on that opportunity to say how you want your estate divided.

It can allow you to make plans for your funeral which can help those that you leave behind as they know that you are getting the send off that you wanted.  You can even set up a pre-paid funeral plan and make all of the arrangements yourself.  Maybe you want to be transported to the service by motorbike, or you have a favourite song or hymn you want included in the service.  Perhaps there is a charity that is very dear to you and you would prefer a collection to be made at your service rather than people sending flowers.

If you simply aren’t able to talk to family or friends about what should happen at the end of your life considering writing it down so that those who care for you have peace of mind that they are doing as you would have wanted.

Talking about death isn’t morbid or weird.  Taking the time to put a plan in place and sharing that with your nearest and dearest can help both you and them at a difficult time for you all. 

If you would like to talk to us about planning for the future you can give us a call on 019455 898090, or email Cath Collins on This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or Kieren Cross on This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.