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We all know the difficulties working mums faced during lockdown: schools closed, kids at home, working from at the same time, or even losing their jobs. But what about the dads?

Their experience is not something that is really being talked about. A lot of employers have just expected their male employees to carry on going to the office or work place. The unspoken assumption was that their wives or partners would deal with the kids. Employers might not have done this consciously. In a lot of cases, it will have been a case of a lingering unconscious bias that women are primarily still responsible for childcare and the home. In other cases, however, it will have been intentional or at least obvious what was going on. We know that there are a lot of men out there who struggled with the pressure put on them to be fully working, and who hated seeing mums struggling. These Dads feel equally responsible for their children, want to help with childcare, and want that work/family/life balance just as much as their partners. An extreme example of how this bias can affect fathers is the recently reported story about a soldier, Rifleman Mitchell Matthews.* Rifleman Matthews had a 4-year old daughter with his wife, Katy, an NHS nurse. Katy worked at a hospital during the pandemic which meant that Mitchell had to help with childcare. Mitchell tragically committed suicide and Katy has since spoken about his experiences at work. She said that whilst Mitchell was allowed time off to look after his daughter, he came under increasing pressure to work, at one point being told to “man up.” We wanted to share this story as it is tragic reminder that we need to work hard to challenge this particular type of unconscious bias, just as we challenge it elsewhere. Dads have the same statutory rights to request flexible working and to take parental leave as mums. They have the same right to time off to deal with unexpected emergencies involving their children as mums.   There is also a very seldom used right to divide up what would have been maternity leave for the mum. This is called shared parental leave and it lets both parents to take time off when they have a baby or adopt. The problem is that these rights are not used much by men because of negative attitudes about it at work, or at least a perception that it will not go down well to ask. The starting point should be to treat parents in the same way regardless of whether they are a mother or a father, biological parents, foster parents, or adoptive parents. Responsibility for children and child care, and the joys that a work/life balance can bring, are not just women’s issues. Men should no more be bullied or pressured at work for seeking flexible working than should women. The more we can share this message, the more we can hope to see change.   *The Times, Saturday March 20th, 2021